Storm Clouds
by seattlecsifan
Summary: Sara thinks about why she left Las Vegas and whether she should return. In response to last weeks CSI Prompts at LJ. Yeah, as usual I'm a day late and a dollar short.


A/N: This was inspired by CSIGeekFan's CSI Prompts page on live journal. Although I'm a week late and have changed the gender of the pronouns in the first 'prompted' paragraph.

I also threw in the optional 'cotton candy' prompt, since I think I might've inspired it with my descrption of some of the yummy stuff that I recently consumed.

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**XXX**

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She shivered in her soaked jacket as she walked down the highway. _"You know, it was over eighty degrees and clear. How did we drop forty degrees, and where did all this rain come from?"_

_  
_Even though she'd lived in the Bay Area for over half her life, Sara was still astounded by the wild weather shifts. A few days before it had been sunny and nearly ninety degrees. Today, as she went for her early morning walk, it was cold, overcast, and damp. _"The weather suits my mood, at least," _she thought to herself as she strode determinedly through the pre-dawn gloom, head bowed.

As she started off on her three mile circuit through the Contra Costa neighborhood, Sara could feel her jacket rubbing uncomfortably over sun burnt shoulders. She'd acquired them while visiting her mother at the Valley State Prison for Women a few days before.

Yet again, Sara had spent hours trying to draw her mother out of the delirium into which she'd retreated more than twenty years before. Hours spent sitting at a picnic table in the sun hoping to find the magic key that would unlock the box. The box full of answers that would surely make everything alright again.

After spending the better part of six months trying to find those elusive answers, Sara was fighting depression again. _"I've come on a fool's errand. How did Grissom put it all those years ago…'Chasing rabbits.' Christ, what would he say now?" _

Sara stopped and shook her head as she reached her turn-around point. Pulling out her cell phone she scrolled through, hoping to find a missed message. She needed something to hang onto as she fought against the rising tide of self-pity. Nothing. _"I wouldn't blame him if he's had enough. God, what was I thinking? I'm not chasing rabbits, I've run like a rabbit."_

Letting out pent-up frustration with a heavy sigh, Sara propped her leg up on a fence post and bent over to grab her toes, stretching her hamstring. She gazed out towards the horizon at the rising sun breaking through the storm clouds, turning them pink like cotton candy. Switching legs she wondered why she'd _really_ come back to the Bay Area.

After the abduction, her life just seemed to fall apart. Going to swing-shift had to be one of the biggest mistakes she'd ever made. Without the support of her friends - _her family _- she'd started to fall under the seductive spell of depression.

Grissom wasn't there to talk to. With time, even the desire to talk had become less frequent. She didn't care about the job anymore. For every bad guy they put away it seemed there were two to take their place. Being paired with Ronnie Lake and her never ending eagerness only served as a glaring counterpoint to Sara's growing apathy.

Straightening, Sara turned towards 'home' and set off at a fast pace. _"No, what really did it was Hannah West. Or rather, what I __**did**__ to Hannah West," _Sara muttered to herself.

Growing up, Sara had always been afraid of the 'murder gene' when all along she should've been afraid of the 'cruelty gene.' When she'd lashed out at Hannah, Sara had realized her mistake. She'd recognizing her father in herself when she'd realized she had wanted to hurt Hannah West, destroy her. When Marlon West had killed himself, Sara had mercilessly used his suicide as a tool to brutally assault his sister.

Appalled at how low she'd sunk, Sara had simply run away. Staying in Las Vegas had seemed untenable. Working as a CSI would've been a charade. And living with Grissom would've been worse - he didn't really know her. He would never have loved her if he knew what a monster she was. Surely he never would have proposed. She couldn't stay and try to live a lie.

So she'd left behind the only happiness she'd ever known to pursue some vague idea of burying the ghost of her father. At the time she'd thought that if she could get rid of her demons she could slay the monster she'd become.

So she'd gone to visit her mother for the first time in decades, only to find nobody home. After months of visits Sara was ready to admit that she'd been beating her head against a brick wall. Even on her 'good' days, Sara's mother had nothing constructive to add to the equation.

"_Maybe I should just go home." _Sara quickened her pace, wanting to feel the pain of exertion. Needing to punish herself. _"The ghosts of my past are dead. I buried them years ago. What I need to do now is expose the monster inside me and kill it."_

Turning the corner onto the street where her monthly studio 'apartment' was located, Sara slowed and pulled out her cell phone. _"If I'm going to kill and bury the monster hiding inside me I need my friends, my family. I need to go home."_

Finally making a decision , Sara hit the speed dial for Grissom's cell phone number. If she was going to succeed in vanquishing her demons she needed to do it at home. She'd have to go back to the only home she'd ever known.

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**XXX**

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End file.
